Living Life The Simple way

Excited? Nope.

2011-12-29T14:06:00.000-08:00

School starts in less than a week.
Excited isn't the right word.
Excited doesnt encompass the emotions of anxiety and stress that come along with it.
Maybe I should create a new word.

Have I mentioned I dont do morning?
Have I mentioned that I have to be 35 miles away from my house by 7:45 every morning.
How will this work for me?

I dont think even coffeee can save me.
So maybe thats what is the most stressful part for me.

Maybe its the fact that I am officially going to be in school most days of the week. That might be it. but then again maybe not.

Heres to jumping into 2012.

~S

It's COLD here, Pipes Freezing Cold!

2011-12-10T18:56:00.000-08:00

Its been a busy week.

School wrapped up for the semester for me and Im thankful but bored.

Dont get me wrong there is plenty of chores around the house or me to get done but do you think I want to? NO I felt blessed that my washer was thought to be broken! Why you ask...

well it gave me an excuse to not accomplish anything!!!

I made chocolate peppermint cookies (are your mouths watering?), and German Chocolate Cake, (howbout now), and chocolate chip cookies(YUM).

Now i weigh about 10#s more!! :)

It was So worth it.....at least I think

I am gearing up for next semester already, my break ends on January 2nd. Im excited and nervous. Just thankful the Lord is guiding me and preparing me as HE sees fit.

I have been thinking alot lately about that. You know people ALWAYS judge me, im getting fairly used to it, and Im ok with it. People have their opinons and thats how it always is. Im just thankful that MY god loves me and meets me where I AM, not where others think I should be. its quite comforting on days like these.

its cold here, like Pipes freezing cold, Enjoy your evening!

Im gonna go make popcorn and snuggle up with my boys to finish off our "family" movie night.

Lime Green and Blue

2011-11-18T16:58:00.000-08:00

Crazy doesn't even begin to describe it,
How about, upside down, turning around, loud, giggly, and all around awesome.
Thats about how the last 4 or 5 weeks have been.
The boys are enjoying AWANA, and Im enjoying a few hours without them ;)
You all have been there.
I decided at 8 pm last night that I would paint and redecorate my bedroom, im proud to announce that it is complete. The colors are in sane but thats what happens when dusty picks out paint swatches....
Im proud of my boys we had conferences and they did wonderful! Just continuning to pray for their behavior at home to get even better.
Hopefully I can make more time to blog, sometimes i just cant get away from my kiddos :))

Have an awesome friday night, enjoy your family and I hope you feel blessed by Jesus, THE jesus who created you and your family!

~S

Overwhelming, Annoying,,,,BUT blessing :)

2011-07-26T21:25:00.000-07:00

Its been a few weeks and I have been a bit quiet....
School starts up again for me in just around 1 month, I am starting to feel overwhelmed, and annoyed. Annoyed that it has taken me this long to accomplish my goal of getting somewhere with my education, annoyed with financial aid, annoyed because my school is 20 miles away, annoyed because the water pump is going out in my burban,
Annoyed because the mouse died in my wireless mouse
annoyed because my beautiful perfect children pulled the light fixture completely out of the celing
Annoyed because those same children also peeled paint from my shower...... The annoyed list could continue and never stop, i don't want to even start on what is overwhelming me....

but while I sit here and stew on all the things that ANNOY me and OVERWHELM me I will tell you of my BLESSINGS, COMPLETE BLESSINGS,
~Dusty, he in himself is a complete gift from god who I would be completely lost without
~Smiling beautiful children, i love when my boys smile and are all around happy
~My GREAT washing machine and Dryer, I am so very blessed by them
~The ablity to go to school and pursue my dreams
~A delicious meal every night of the week thats warm;)
~I am most thankful for my family, some people don't get it some people say that I went about it all the wrong way but my boys and my man are everything in this world to me and I don't think that it should be any other way. I believe this too was part of gods plan for my life and I am so thankful for it, My life has never been this amazing.

I hope you are all blessed this week, and I pray that as you get overwhelmed and annoyed you can find time to feel blessed by the Jesus who loves you and Created you to be who you are and how you are.....

Keep on Smiling :)

~S

One of THOSE days.

2011-06-28T20:56:00.000-07:00

As parents we all have "one of those days" or weeks or months depending on the current struggle our family is facing.
Its been on of those days let me tell you- I wouldn't be quick to say that its been one of those weeks or months, but who knows........................
Ask me tomorrow ;)

I braved the local swimming pool and sprinkler park, both in 1 day. I know Im a "super" step-mom. But the boys and I had a blast. We got out of the house and got wet. I am acutally going ot admit that I paid 2 dollars per person in my family to swim for barely 40 mintues, but I think it was WELL worth it. We got in on the very last part of the family swim time and the boys were super happy about it.

I packed our snacks and drinks so I felt like i was being financially savy....it conts right????

Tomorrow will hopefully mean i have some work to accomplish, just waiting on the orders to come, trusting my jesus its almost the end of the month which means the bills start piling up quick.
But I am very thankful that My Jesus can supply my every need!!!

Have a great evening !!!

~S

Simple Day-

2011-06-27T13:42:00.000-07:00

Today Was one of those simple days that I love, although if i am at home all day I am not working which is a bit frustrating with our current situation(more to come on that later). I love being home with my family and my boys but really enjoy being able to work and provide the finances to. I really love when my other half can be working but his injuries (the other story) aren't allowing him to. So he is growing an awesome garden and spending alot more time with Jesus.
Its been interesting for him to not work and in turn be taking care of the children but he is getting used to it to and he is a REAL trooper!!!
Farmers market yesterday was a success although I don't ever want to hear the words "Can I" or I Want again ;) Isn't that how it always goes?

Hope you are all having an awesome summer day!!!

~ S

Farmers Market.

2011-06-26T10:46:00.000-07:00

Because there in one very ambitious parent in this house (not me) We are headed to the farmers market, we accidently all slept through church so we gotta get these kiddos out of the house before I am pulling my hair out ;)

Pictures to come Later.

~S

Recent News :)

2011-06-25T16:56:00.001-07:00

Im guessing you all thought I disappeared, which in fact is true. Life has been more then difficult the past 3-4 weeks but somehow with gods grace we are making it through.

There have been many changes around here both good and bad and the boys aren't sure how they are going to handle or deal with them. There has been alot of acting out and poor choices, Im just doing my best to pray them through this hard time and then just keep pressing on.

On a good note we are learning alot in sunday school, the boys are truely thriving and enjoying the fact that God loves them and they are way excited to learn all about what that means, my prayer is simply that they can apply it to everyday situations.

I am pulling my hair out with this hot weather, dreading returning to school and thanking god continuously for providing for our family when I am not sure how we will make ends meet.
I am just hoping that we can do something a bit fun with the kiddos this summer.

I am looking forward to the fun few months ahead but begging god to give me the strength and energy to get through them

Until next time find time to laugh, its good for the abs and even better for the soul

~S

Back?

2011-02-10T20:45:00.001-08:00

I Am going to start blogging again, I don't really feel comfortable talking about my boys on the world wide web based on a lot of things going on in their little lives. So ill just call them 1-4, lifes been interesting around here, we have our good days and we have our bad days but we are figuring out how to get along and love on each other. Its interesting to say the least, ill see you guys tomorrow

A modern day fairy tale!

2010-08-10T20:29:00.000-07:00

it suprises me how much life has changed since i last found time to blog, i spend so much time reading blogs that i don't actually write on mine. I guess i think i don't have anything great to say. But i probably really do have funny "mom" stories to tell you about, because who wouldn't living with and raising 4 boys all younger then 9 years of age. I mean really its always eventful around here... but maybe i should back up and tell you how i got here....how i got to a point where i am helping raise 4 boys and everything else. Its a really long story but i might as well start here right?

I met a guy (isn't that where it always starts?) and fell in love (not really that quick but you get the drift) this "guy" had 4 boys who i thought were marvelous before i even liked their father :) lol..... well long story shortened we moved into a house he proceeded to get custody of his boys and now well im "step-mom" to the cutest kids on the block. Ive got to spend all summer loving on them and having an all around amazing time. While for some people they don't like the path that ive chosen im living my life this way and am following god in the process.... im learning more about my savior then ever before and I love him just as much.

So my fairy tale has changed some....Now its Me(stephanie) and My love(dusty) and his four boys, 9, 6, 5, and 2....aint life grand?

2.0.0.9

2010-01-01T20:24:00.000-08:00

Its been a while i do realize since I have written last. But i feel like possibly reflecting on the year 2009.
The good:
Living in Dorms
Doing well in School
Meeting and falling in love with dusty <3
working alot
finding myself
polishing the dreams I have for the future
watching children grow and learn
learning more and more about myself with everyday
watching my faith grow
visiting with my family
talking with my little sister all the time about random stuff
Losing my car... (or giving it back)
buying a different car
making new friends
mending broken relationships

the bad:
tonsil removal
failing english and psych
relationships broken
friendships lost
moving alot
spending to much
giving to little
letting people walk all over me
allowing people to disrespect me.

in the end i loved 2009 i can't believe how far I have come or all the different things i have experienced in just 365 days, i am proud, sad, and confused just thinking about it. While there was some time in there that i completely lost myself and lost track of my goals I found them quickly and was right back on track. I am thankful for the work god has done in my life in 2009 and almost ready for what can be done in 2010.

heres to a new year it can only get better

Communication

2009-11-24T16:21:00.000-08:00

I have officially lost all ability to communicate.
Unfortunately I havent lost my ability to talk does that make sense?
So these days when I talk nothing comes out right, I hurt people and make a fool of myself and should probably give up on the idea altogether now honestly.

If words are so powerful I don't want to use them any more, i'm over the fighting and arguing that words bring, im over the lies that words bring, im even over the truth that words bring. People in general bring bad things with words so i'm cutting them out of my life altogether I'm not sure I even feel like communicating any more. They say words bring comfort, i havent seen it, they say words bring healing, I havent seen that either. I'm guessing that is just said to take peoples mind off it.
This is why I rarely say anything on facebook, because i don't know how to communicate

Its just the way I operate

2009-11-10T15:36:00.000-08:00

Finding the courage to love without fear is always something I am working on. Or finding the best in people when they make it completely impossible to see good in them or the way they act.
While I am not making decisions that my family approves of that doesn't make me a bad person, it makes me a individual living my life the way I want to...

I have been taught some really hard lessons lately and while I'm not ready to tell you about them(im working on it) I am realizing some things about myself that I hadn't exactly seen before.
Like
~I like when things go my way
~I hate when things arent exactly how I like them
~I am a complete control freak... get over it
~I really like to know what is going to happen next
~When you tell me something I believe you, I believe that you will do what you say you are going to
~I hurt the people I love the most, its my defense mechanism, its just the way I operate.
~Oh and for how much I love to talk I can no longer communicate to save my life.

I didn't say any of these newly found qualities in my life were good, welcomed, okay... I'm just saying boy do I have work to do.. Its like another full time job, letting god mold and shape you that is.

Until next time find time to laugh, its good for the abs and even better for the soul
~S

How My Life has Changed in the Past 6 months

2009-11-09T16:04:00.000-08:00

In the past mulitple months I haven't posted at all, my life has been a whirlwind of changes full of love and learning.
I have learned lesson upon lesson since february. I have learned peoples opinons and whether they matter to me or not.
I am terribly sorry for all the people i have hurt. I can't promise I won't do it again, I am choosing to live my life my way whether you deam it right or wrong and I am going to hurt people along the way. But fear not you have probably hurt me at some point too... Its life.

I now live with my amazing boyfriend, and his 4 boys(they live with us part time). I love every minute of it. It has given me many opportunities to be challenged in my ability to forgive, to love, and to be patient. I wouldn't change it for anything in the world.

I'll post more later.

~S

Sleep.

2009-05-02T23:34:00.001-07:00

I have noticed that I when I write a blog before I go to sleep, I sleep much better, with more peace.

My brain actually gets to rest as well, there is a lot racing through it tonight, i'm hoping the weather is better so that my drive back to campus tomorrow is bearable.

I have been learning some very important lessons over the past couple of days, they are still in the works but I will let you know when I have more to say, i'm sure that nobody really reads this, since nobody comments but it makes me feel better which is the whole point i suppose..

good night all

~S

complicated...just friends...etc

2009-05-01T23:09:00.000-07:00

There are times I wonder, about alot really, what people are thinking, if the ment to send the text message, if they want to actually hang out or if they are because i'm me... do you know what I mean? The people who can't make up their minds about how they feel or what they want.

I guess they come in the form of boys, "men" i guess although i'm not sure some act old enough for that title. they have a funny way of never making their intentions clear. and i'm done wadding through mudd, waiting for the time when they figure out what they want.

The line "lets be friends" for all intents and purposes sucks, really never ever say that line out loud, because nobody ever means it when they say it. It means several different things the most common?

I don't want to hang out really at all, from here on out I don't know you...
I still like you i'm afraid of commitment, i want the benefits of dating and no title.

I think it sucks, and its not fair, ever when somebody does this, i've been thinking about it alot lately and I just want the world to know, life shouldn't be this complicated, men shouldn't be this complicated. Simple things should not be this complicated.

The end for now

~ S

Brick By Brick

2009-05-01T02:34:00.000-07:00

Its 2:34 am, and i can't sleep.
my brain is racing.
with some completely random thoughts, and then the ones
that make perfect sense.

I'm back in the ham visiting my family till sunday, i was actually very excited about this trip so that must be good. I have had a long week to say the least, complete with a nerver wracking job interview. I can barely imagine what interviewing for a teaching job will be like.

I applied for a job in Yakima over the summer, I am very excited about it, now i just wait for around 3 weeks to hear back.

Last weekend i took a nasty fall that landed me in the ER, i managed to fall and land completely on my hip, twisting it oddly on the way down... need less to say it was painfilled and long.

I am on the mend, walking normally again and even sleeping usually.
but tonight i lay here completely awake...at this odd hour, and it is probably the 5th night in a row that I can't find the peace and quiet in my head, at least enough to fall asleep. How Sad.

I can't say exactly what i'm thinking about, what it is that has me writing this post in the wee hours of morning, because i myself haven't quite figured it out. I think the main emotion is confusion.

I am fairly confused on many levels regarding many situations, which leaves me unable to sleep this week. Its funny how that works, when I need sleep the most I get the least, and when I don't need it at all I have plenty. I guess many things in life work this way.

I've been thinking alot lately (i do this alot i know bare with me) and i'vee been trying to learn from my mistakes, and I build a wall around my heart and whole self, one i'm pretty sure nobody is going to even try to knock down. I say this for 2 reasons

My heart and soul don't need any more damage.
I haven't protected myself well enough in the past.

these two very key components to who I am leave me here typing this, if that makes any remote sense at all, I've made this comment to myself once before...and well it didn't work out so well.

I was suprised how quickly my "walls" came down, but then I was just as suprised when they went back up. its important i think, this whole process, walls and such. it makes me a stronger better person... or just lame, i haven't decided yet and I don't think I have to decide.

Usually I don't even know whats best for me, and I am finding away to be at peace with the "unknown" as some call it, i personally dont' like that word, because i don't like the implications.
obiviously i'm a control freak...

This random blog entry, has cleared my head enough that I think i can sleep, I will pick up where i left off i'm sure tomorrow sometime in the AM.

~S

Learning How To Let Go

2009-04-19T20:01:00.000-07:00

Rascal Flatts has this amazing song its called "No Regins" I love it...

and there is this part where they say

" Oh Oh she's learning how to let go
Oh Oh whichever way the wind blows
Oh Oh shes learning how to let go."

I feel today that I am having to let go of a whole lot more then I want to... maybe for the better and maybe for the worst but whatever it is I have to let go.

Of people who I love and care for more then I can even explain to you.
Of relationships that mean the world to me, and decisions too..

decisions that i have made, or not made. I just need to let them all go.

Its been a stressful week, I now have to have hip surgery, :( but i'm letting my stress and my fear about the situation go, it won't be that bad, and I need to be stress free so I refuse to worry.

I am getting laid-off at the end of the month, Yakima's economy is worse then bellingham's i was a bit suprised to have this hit home like it is, but i'm letting stress and worry go..

I'M LEARNING HOW TO LET GO-
WHICHEVER WAY THE WIND BLOWS

~S

Bed Sheets

2009-04-13T23:35:00.000-07:00

The things we take for granted....

Last week proved to be interesting, a bit challenging, and in many days down right fun!
I forgot how much i really like having sheets (my sheets) blanket, and even pillows on my bed.
You see up until yesterday I didn't have these things (see previous post) I didn't realize just how important they were to my sleeping habits. I slept amazing last night :)

I am finding away to be settled in here, at school that is, new dorm room decorated differently but completely me all the same. I am more at home here then I have ever been, my car is here too, which makes me very happy!

I work alot, before class, after class, till 6pm sometimes, or tonight till more like 10. but its worth it! I am learning so much and enjoying every mintue of it, (even the stressful ones).

I am going home on wednesday again, get to meet up with the orthopedic surgeon again, hopefully he will have more answers, time will tell with that.

I have terrible allergies this year, so it's time for bed, benedryl makes be TIRED~

So until next time
LAUGH alot for me, i don't have time

~ S

Funny.. HAHA

2009-04-06T16:55:00.000-07:00

So, i write this on my blog from the computer lab at YVCC... are any of you laughing yet? you will be.

I moved home right? you all remember the story, and then i learned that i could return to school...keep laughing.

I have been getting back into the swing of things here, i don't have any of my thing... :)

I don't even have sheets on my bed right now.. sacraficing for my education i tell ya...

I think its all ironic, funny, maybe a little bit more of a god thing, but i the end i find myself giggling.

I was so stressed so concerned, so depressed, upset, worried, confused and downright angry.
I didn't think it could or would ever get better, and then to my surpise it did, here I am right where god wants me, right where i am supposed to be, in 71 degree weather and with a smile on my face because when i finally gave it all up to the lord he took care of everything, even better then I thought possible. Got to love the way things work out!

SO laugh with me, at how stupid, foolish, and young I really am... like my grandma says, good stories for my grandchildern, and children someday... even good stories for my future students!

~ S

Tough Stuff

2009-04-01T10:14:00.000-07:00

I have battling alot of different emotions as I move away from my life, and friends who have gone through the last 6 months with me, in the last 6 months being away at school i went through alot of medical issues, and life changes/decisions that will effect me for the rest of my life.
I spent many nights laying in bed wondering if I was where god wanted me or if I just needed to be back in whatcom county...

As I sit in my bed in whatcom county i have realized Yakima is where I am supposed to be, at some point I will be back there, and I assure you it won't be soon enough....

I found out some tough news this week, I could have stayed in school and worked on the whole appeal process in order to stay in classes and keep up with my degree. I found this out after I had moved back here, and unpacked all my stuff....lets just say the tears flowed for quite awhile.

I am very confused about everything, and not sure where to go from here. I talk to my Yakima friends almost everyday and with every passing day I just miss it even more. There isn't much I like about living back in whatcom county. When I moved away from school I never thought i would feel this way about coming back.

I am hoping to be back by around summer time. I would love to go back even if I have to live with a family friend until school starts.

Its been awhile since I have felt completely out of place and frustrated, lonely, confused and just down right depressed. I am pretty sure it will get better, I pray it will get better. I didn't cry last night, that was a good sign! Maybe things are looking up

Completely doubtful but one can dream can't they.

Hello HOME!

2009-03-23T17:07:00.000-07:00

There was only one thing on my mind as I rode the greyhound home last week.

What would my grades post as? Would I get high enough ones or be suspended for a whole quarter. It was a stressful question and it would be a full 5 days until i would have the answer.

I checked to make sure my grades didn't post early and was happy to found a few had and they were high Cs so i thought I was safe, until my english teacher gave me a D.

So now I am returning to Whatcom county and moving home, i will take 1 class at whatcom and work the rest of the time. I am hoping to apply at the YMCA in lynden and a few other places!

This adventure stresses me out and scares me but its all part of gods plan so its going to be ok!

My Sunshine :)

2009-02-12T15:26:00.000-08:00

God has a funny way of teaching me lessons, for some reason they are always lessons I don't want to learn.

Obviously for some reason in the future i need to learn them, maybe if I listened to people who care about me once in a while it would be better, and easier. But I don't because I'm dumb and I love learning things the hard way.... whats wrong with me.

I have so much to say about my last couple of weeks, but for some reason words fail me. i can't write down how I feel about any of the situations that have happened in the last few weeks, but I can tell you they have been hard life lessons that have completely broken me in half over and over again.

When things couldn't get worse i was broken again, when it rains it pours, at least for me in my life. I wonder how many lessons in 18 short years of life god wants me to learn, I guess I'll just keep learning...or ignoring...or something.

I don't know how many storms i can dance in... I'm starting to get really sick of dancing... and of the rain... I'm about ready for my sunshine....I want my sunshine.... It can't rain forever the sun will shine when I don't expect it to right? I sure hope so.

Until the sunshine's i'm going to dance my heart out, because Dancing is supposed to be fun right?

~ s

its not suppposed to go like that

2009-02-09T15:35:00.000-08:00

Thats how I feel lately,

There is a long list of things in my life that aren't supposed to go like that.

my car isn't supposed to be stolen
My uncle isn't supposed to have a stroke
I'm not supposed to have hip surgery this young
My sister isn't supposed to make mistakes so big they land her on the front page of the paper
Guys aren't supposed to change their minds....haha

I'm laughing, because all this happened from last monday to now. But i'm okay with it all, i'm come to terms with everything.

I am to determined to be defeated...

look out world

I'm bulletproof

Yea...Thats Right

2009-01-29T13:12:00.001-08:00

Hello All :)
I am finally making time to write again... it seeems like it has been forever.
I am still as busy as every with school, never seeming to have enough time to sleep and eat and do school work... but i try.
I am doing much better in my classes so far, no academic warning yet (I was on it all last quarter) which means i am doing well in my classes...
My life is still fairly stress free... although today seems to be overly stressful. I am trying to keep these type of days to a minimum (when possible)

I have made some new friends! Who I am enjoying spending time with and getting to know, Its exciting to see this quarter going so much better then last quarter!

Being around motivated people keeps me more motivated.
I am eating so much better this quarter as well, doing the best I can to eat a decent meal at least for dinner....

My breakfast today included, bacon, eggs, and an English muffin... not to bad :)

I think I am making chicken enchiladas for dinner!! Maybe just maybe!

Keep checking in... i'll post more and it will be more interesting I promise...

OH and guess what???????????!!!!????/

I won 5 games of pool yesterday... im getting better.

Still Breathing...you know the drill

2009-01-15T16:00:00.000-08:00

So i'm fully into the swing of things! I am SO busy with school work!
I do easily 4 hours of homework a day and thats when i actually decide to finish it all. I have a crazy english teacher but i think I will learn alot which is good. Math is basically review but I am excited for an easy A, my education class is going well although I have more then enough homework for that class.
I am enjoying living in dorms this quarter, getting to know fellow students and spending lots of time cooking/baking and eating :) my three favorite things. My dorm is becoming more like home. My walls aren't blank and you can tell that its my dorm room finally!
I think i will actually be sad when I have to move home! (besides that it will take alot of work)
I am coming home this weekend! Time to relax and have fun!
~S

Quick Update :)

2009-01-07T17:03:00.000-08:00

I have had an amazing couple of days to say the least!
School has been crazy busy already, i've only had 3 days of class and I'm swamped with homework and pulling my hair out...some days literally.
I am enjoying dorm life, since i'm actually living in my dorm (including showers and laundry) which is a new step in faith from last quarter.
I learned alot on my missouri trip, and came back with a whole new out look on my school work.

On tuesday I finally gave in and decided that I needed to bring closure to certain situations and relationships in my life (at least for now). It was interesting to fill a box full of memories and put it in my closet. Trying to prove to myself that I could and I will move on and up from where I am right now.

I had a few rough moments this week too, I learned some things I never wanted to know, and somethings i'd heard became fact. They were hard, they brought tears but healing tears. I was able to see through this cloud that has been blocking my brain and be realistic. I stopped making excuses and started excepting this week...

Exactly what I needed to find the peace, in past situations and decisions as well as the courage and strength to walk away from everything that I needed to walk away from but just couldn't.

I have so much homework! I really should be working on.

but I figured i would update you all and let you know I'm still alive and breathing and praying!!!

~S

Two-Thousand Eight

2009-01-01T01:06:00.001-08:00

This year has been crazy to say the least, i can't even try to wrap it up in one blog post. This will definately be the year I will never forget, graduating high school, and moving away. Loving and Hating, road trips across the country, hair dying gone wrong (like 4) times, finding myself...
Thats been the best part of this year, i found myself. I found ME! I didn't know I was lost but I guess I was, its funny I knew who everybody wanted me to be but I didn't know who I wanted to be. It's January 1st and I think I have a better understanding of who I want to be, and who i am right now. There are things from this year that I am not proud of, there are somethings I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. There are a few nights that I would do anything to relive, and a few nights I would do anything to forget.
2008 taught me how to love, and how to hate someone. How to let someone in and then how to let them walk away. It taught me that I have zero control over anything, at all really. I found out my own strength.
I've been in the hospital like 12 times in the past 4 months, thats alot! I have gone through hell with some of my friends and because of both of these things I found an inner strength i've never had to use before, and courage, its funny you never know how strong you really are till something bad happens.
I made an important promise this year, that I wouldn't give up on someone. and i don't plan on it, but what do you do when they have given up on you? Thats one thing I haven't learned this year lol....
Its been a rough year, nothing about it has been simple, but after 2008 it can only get bettter and simpler... i'm convinced 2009 will be 10 times better! It won't take much
Heres to 2009 and all the new memories and challenges ahead, after this last year I can face anything!
Love you all!

Greyhounds, Arthur, Boonville, Green Hair, Haystak, Hillarious fun times = Missouri

2008-12-26T21:32:00.001-08:00

Life as I know it is so completely different then I ever imagined it to be. My one week stay in Missouri turned into 2 weeks, in which I would learn about myself and people who are important to me. I found out who should matter in my life, who actually does, and how easily I care for people. I had an interesting christmas, my first christmas in which I wasn't with my family, or even in the same state as them. I was kind of depressed at first, not quite sure why everything would be against me leaving this state. I mean even know my flight was canceled so i'm here for another night. My bus being canceled/delayed/whatever, allowed me to spend a bit more time with some people who needed me. I was able to mend some relationships and make a few more stronger before I left. I met some amazing people and was able to help in simple little ways that I hope blessed them. My greyhound bus ride to Missouri was very interesting. Nothing went wrong we caught all our buses and arrived even earlier then scheduled (which doesn't happen with greyhound!) i met this amazing little girl named Victoria (i think) She in her own way impacted my life and my views on things. She was amazing and so full of life, wonder, and amazment for the little things in life. we became instant friends and she traveled with me all the way from salt lake to boonville Missouri. It was just what I needed to make the ride bearalbe. I enjoyed her enthusiam for life and her outlook, being that she was only 4. (see picture below)

Meet Victoria, and Aruthr!

Once I got to Missouri thing were exactly how I expected them to be, I felt like I was in a movie. I mean when have you ever had to share the road with a horse and buggy? It was interesting to say the least. (more on that later)

The Boonville Bus station :)

I drove to the greyhound station bound and determined to get on the bus. The Driver informed me that everything west of Salt Lake City was closed down so I would not make it home for christmas. Little did I know I would be needed in Missouri, well more like I needed to be in Missouri. I still don't fully see why I stayed 4 extra days (working on 5)... I even had and ER trip while I was here.... stupid stomach problems. I am looking foward to my return home. I am going to miss Missouri and the people that very quickly became like family to me. I never expected to have so much fun, and to absoultely love Jammie and her Kids, they are so amazing. Its funny this road trip, adventure (mistake to many) was just what i needed. I can't explain to you why, the trip was all about me, what I needed, the closure I needed, the strength I had to find within myself, and the courage I found.

Something so simple became really complicated but in the end its just what I needed, I had a relaxing, adventurous time, full of new experiences and old ones too...

So I am headed back to Washington, I think I'm finally ready... Who knew after knowing someone for a little over a week I would cry when saying goodbye.. i'm such a baby, and I have a heart for people..

I learned SO much about myself while half way across the country, things I couldn't learn while in Washington.

I'm ready for college next quarter, I can't wait to get a Job and I am so THANKFUL for my family!

When I think Missiouri I now think of :

Greyhounds, Hot Topic, Haystak, Watermelon/peach Pucker, Mini Pinchers

My Pillow, BB guns, bruises, and most of all

GOOD MEMORIES

Turkey, Ham, Mashed Potatoes, Cranberry Sauce.... Giving Thanks, My way

2008-11-25T17:42:00.000-08:00

Its that time of year again, when I as the rest of the world go over what i'm thankful for.

It has been a really hard year for me, I have learned how to love, and how to let go. I have learned who is always here for me and who isn't. I have learned that no matter what I do if someone wants to walk away they will. No matter how much I like them or they like me, in the end people always leave. I have learned who I am and what I stand for. What I want in life and where I am going, and who will be there for me when I fail miserably. When this world crushes my dreams I know that my family and friends will be here to help me pick up the pieces.

I am so thankful for all the things that I have learned, I'm thankful for the heart break and the hurting I have been through this year. I am thankful for my friends. The ones who stand beside me even when i fail myself.

I am thankful for my family, the people who love me, always and forever.

I am thankful for my "family and friends" in Yakima, they have taught me so much about myself, who I love and who i don't, who I love and who I shouldn't. Above everything else they have taught me to be myself always, regardless and that honesty, well it is always the right answer even when it hurts its better in the end.

I am thankful that god never turns his back on me, believe me he should have in this last year but he hasn't, ever.

Thats it for now, I will have more later, don't worry!

until next time never stop loving, even when it hurts, i hear its always worth it in the end, and find some time to laugh, its good for the abs and even better for the soul
~S

This past month

2008-11-04T14:15:00.000-08:00

Its been so crazy here, i' ve been really sick and have struggled with decisions i have been making, and my choice of friends. I miss home like crazy check out my myspace blog for more on me missing home. I can't wait to come home this weekend and chill with my friends.
I have been really stressed out and stretched far beyond my means this past month of being away from home. Its so weird to not see family everyday.

I have struggled alot, not having a support network here at all, still have not been plugged into a church here or a college group like I had originally planned which isn't helping any. I have had a lot of problems with friends and it isn't good.

I am looking foward to learning from this time in my life, and trusting that i'll be ready to get back on the path the lord has planned for me, i feel like right now i have strayed from that. I trust that through prayer and a change of heart I'll be back to where I need to be.
Please keep me in your prayers while i try and figure everything out during this time in my life.

Stretching, and Growing.

2008-09-18T20:15:00.000-07:00

I moved into my dorm room, i have already been stretching and growing! I am trying to stay busy but its kind of hard in this town...
I will post pictures of my dorm room tomorrow, and write in more detail!

never stop loving I hear its always worth it in the end.
and Never stop laughing, its good for the abs and even better for the soul

ttyl

~S

Its a beginning not an end.

2008-09-15T23:10:00.000-07:00

I can barely believe this time tomorrow i'll be going to bed in order to wake up and move away from Bellingham. I keep telling myself i'll be okay, this is right where god wants me, there are people supporting me. Its not going to be easy but it is going to be worth it. I just know its going to be worth it.
I'm excited to step out in faith on this new adventure with Jesus by my side. It always seemed so far away, it was easy to trust that this was gods plan when i was just deciding to go. but now that i have to leave TFC, and my entire support network here its proven to be a challenge.

I know that God wants me in yakima, i have prayed so much about it and even when I didn't want to go I knew i was supposed to, i don't think i'll go back next year, but you never know. Gods plans always seem to be different then mine, but so much better!

I know that Dorms are going to stretch me beyond belief, but i think they will be my ministry too. I am excited to meet the people who will be living on my floor (i don't have a roomate :) ).

I can't believe how god has answered my prayers about moving, from providing insane amounts of funds, to a place to live, a church to attend, and a college group to be apart of. I had some relationships that weren't the best for me there and I was able to part waters before i move so I'm not compromising myself for them.
I have learned in the past month just how faithful my prince is to me, even when I choose to ignore he's there. When I don't trust him, and when i don't communicate. He's there. what an amazing feeling to know, the creater of this universe has created the path that I am walking down. How could I even stress knowing this? i'm human, but praise the lord, he loves me and thats why i'm living a fairy tale :)

Never stop loving even when it hurts, I hear its always worth it in the end
and Never stop laughing its good for the abs and even better for the soul

Until next time

~S

A good group shot from tonight...haha Megan and I in our own little world

the necessity of sleep

2008-06-25T01:28:00.000-07:00

In the past 5 nights I have not managed to fall asleep anytime before 2 am, really 2:30. i have decided that I don't need sleep, or really like it.

Kind of funny coming from me, I sleep in always, usually go to be early and find time for a nap sometime in between, but lately there has just been to much going on.

Funny how now that schools done, high school forever i am more stressed then I was before. self induced mind you but stress none the less. I don't really know what from, or really care to find out but I stress myself out.

Over things like whats going to happen tomorrow, this one guy, my dad or my sister what they are doing, I stress myself out over how I look, or how much money I have. If i'll work enough this week, if my car will start when I go to get in it.

Just stupid things, some of them bigger or at least to me and most of the time I really need to stop stressing and just let stuff happen.

Like tomorrow (or today in this case) I can't control it, I can't control if my car will start, or "this one guy" man I can't even get him to hold a decent text messaging converstation with me. I love how distance does that, it makes such a simple thing so much harder, oh distance, 3 1/2 hours of distance who knew how much that would suck!

I decided that at 1am I would clean my kitchen, i write this as the dishwasher finishes washing the dishes so I can put them away, I promised my dad I wouldnt' vaccum my room or turn my music up to loud, I mopped the floor though, its all shiney.

Thats what i do when I am stressed, I clean its kinda nice that my job is cleaning now. helps me to relieve a bit of this stress. and I cook, but I promised my dad I wouldn't start a cooking project at this time (i'm known to start cakes and breads at any given time in the am). So I decided writing a blog wasn't a bad idea.

I worked tonight, it was intresting to say the least... I am finally getting the hang of it, knowing what to clean how to clean it and when its not important to do certain things. I don't love it but I don't hate it, its a job it will help pay the bills. I can at least wear what i want and listen to my ipod while working!

the dishes are done! time to finish the kitchen and think about resting, my body might appreciate it.

never stop loving, even when it hurts, i hear its always worth it in the end.
and find some time to laugh, its good for the abs and even better for the soul
ttyl
~S

I graduated TODAY!

2008-06-15T00:08:00.000-07:00

I graduated today, i'm all offically done and stuff... the graduation ceremonies sucked! they treated us Windward students like complete crap, never been treated with that much dis respect before.

I can't believe the principal and how she stood behind her students even though she knew they were wrong, she even told us they were wrong. I am so beyond frusturated! I am glad its all over though... I got awesome presents, I am still so in shock and overwhelmed with my laptop and necklace. I just can't believe it...

but I'm done! and I finally get to move on with the rest of my life..

Never thought I would actually be in 2008 graduating... so many years ending with such a TERRIBLE celebration and SUCH disrespect... Thats okay, I held my ground and graduated with my dignity and pride still intact.

SO glad its over!

It can only go up from here!

Nourishing Nail Polish Remover-

2008-05-19T12:29:00.000-07:00

I didn't have a title so the title has been formed based on the first thing I read :) Great I know...

I have been thinking about the last school year. All the things I would change... the things I'm not proud of.. for me its all the classes I skipped, the homework I didn't do, the effort I placed else where and the fact that I am not graduating with honors. It wouldn't be such a big thing but I know I could have, I know that I am smart enough to be graduating with honors but....well I am not :) Suprise, I am a slacker its like the worst thing ever, and I am lazy, really lazy and i hate it... It's like the worst thing that I can't change... I sleep through math (not anymore) and church and everything else I want to do because I never seem to have enough sleep.. I am a bit frusturated because well...I feel like a failure and I don't like it. I hate that my dad doesn't think I will make it to graduation and I hate that there are days when I don't think I can make it there.

School...

2008-05-13T13:54:00.001-07:00

I have loved being a Senior...the prospect of the future, not alot of school, and WAY to much responsiblity... car payments, a job..., bills, bills, did I mention bills? I would like to look at bills as a blessing but am SO afraid that there will never be a time when i feel blessed to pay bills...If I felt that my bills went to a good cause like stopping human trafficking then maybe.. I am seriously considering giving up my car (selling) and going back to the basics (city bus, bike, walking :( ) you know all the good earth friendly alternatives... but driving is so nice... SO nice....at least I have the things i have which sort of makes bills a blessing....well sort of.... I am SO ready for school to be done 32 days and then I'm out..not for good but out of High School... where they treat you like a child and don't let you make any wrong choices...

Okay friends... I am done rambling for now...

P.S GAS COSTS WAY TO MUCH.......3.71 a gallon (AMPM) YUCK!

Breakable

2008-05-12T17:06:00.000-07:00

Sometimes i feel that I can't let people know how I really feel... whats really going on, sure I may talk alot but that doesn't mean I am talking about what really matters to me.
All so often I use talking as a way to not express how I really feel..that might make no sense to you...but thats ok.

Its funny...sometimes i wonder if people really know me...If my friends really know whats going on because I don't always feel like sharing whats really going on...So many times I don't know whats going on, how I feel or even what I need prayer for. Its hard to tell someone whats going on when you don't know...its hard for someone to know who you are when you don't know who you are.... I think it comes from not wanting people to view me as breakable.... I have always been strong and i don't want that to change.. I don't want to be different... I just don't.
But then I remember that I was never strong.... Jesus, he makes me strong, Who I am comes back to one thing....I am a girl...who wants to serve the lord Jesus, her prince with everything she does... it doesn't matter..nothing else matters as long as everybody knows that about me. And because of Jesus I am doing okay...yesterday sucked...it always has and always will. But guess what I didn't break...Jesus kept me from breaking (trust me I was at the breaking point)... Oh how I love my prince!!! I just love him.

Life...Friends...Hard stuff

2008-05-03T23:08:00.000-07:00

Life is amazing, Friends are amazing, hard stuff is amazing too...why?
Because all of these things change me, these things affect me in a way that I can't explain..I realized today the exact nature of that... How much my friends really mean to me..see I have had one friend leave to Uganda (which you know based on other posts) but I graduate from high school this year and many of my friends are heading in different directions. I may be one of those heading off... And it really scared me.. Everything in my life has lead me up to this moment... choosing whether to leave home or whether to stay... Whether to go off to school in order to pursue my dreams or stay at home and pursue them differently. Its such a hard decision to make and I know that I need to pray a bunch more.. I want people to see that Jesus is still more important to me then school, money, and even life itself. I am hoping that my career path does the same. God is so good to me... I have gone through SO much but God hasn't changed, he hasn't left me , and he has never once hated me... .Even when I did all of those things... when I changed, when I left him and in my darkest moments felt hatred towards him. Believing in the lord is an empowering thing, Believing in Jesus changes me, it must change me. I look foward to the day when I can worship him, pure true straight from the heart worship... Revelation is amazing, I am just throwing that out there... Its an awesome book...if you ever doubt god read that book. I love the way he works you know that? I love it...i never expect it and it brings me to tears...

One day i went to school and my counselor told me that I didn't have to write my Junior Research Paper, and I cried....alot Pure tears of joy because I knew that my prince had yet again delivered me... I had put the paper off my entire junior year...and half of my senior year.. It was crunch time and I was crying out to god in desperation..... and he rescued me... I don't care what the school says or how legally they did it GOD, it was all GOD... and seeing his goodness (that I don't deserve) well that brought me to tears...

But tears can be good...Tears seem to be very healing.....Life seems so much better when you can just cry about what is bothering you... I can't tell you how many nights I have laid awake and cried out to god.... But some how it heals my pain..crying and praying they heal my pain..they make the bad stuff bearable....

There is so much going on in my life...so much change, people dating, deciding about schools, what to do with my life, moving away from home, trusting the lord with my finances, finding away to honor the lord with my money.... But I know that through prayer, and the help of friends life will go on... I will see my prince face to face one day....and he will make the hard stuff bearable..
Don't give up...Don't ever give up.... Because there is always one person who love you, one person who NEVER changes, one person who will never break your heart.... the one and only person who can get you through the hard stuff....Thats Jesus...The one and only Jesus.

Senior Pictures

2008-04-22T17:40:00.000-07:00

I got pictures taken!!!

check here to look at them! they are amazing! i am so thankful for Jennifer May and her awesome photography skills!

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2000415&l=c0974&id=1578840097

Elizabeth Ann, Boo, Lizardbeth, Lizzy...

2008-04-17T22:29:00.000-07:00

I find myself writing again about an amazing person, someone who is a world changer by baby sister : Elizabeth Ann Knight (Tatom)Elizabeth Ann~

I love you to pieces.. More then I could ever write in this blog, you are a strong amazing, beautiful young lady who is growing into an even stronger more beautiful woman. I can't wait for endless summer nights and lots of laughter.
Liz I love you, thank you for being an amazing sister. I know that I live 5 hours from you and I HATE IT. I wish I could see you all the time. I might fight with you and yell alot but it doesn't change the fact that you are my baby sister. I am always here for you and that won't change distance doesn't change that. I can't believe you are 14...and I am going to be 18...I remember when you were born
Elizabeth, please don't let people change who you want to be. Break free of what other people think of you and do what you think is right. Allow yourself room for mistakes and then learn from them. Find your place in this world and have fun, take time to enjoy who you are and who the lord has made you to be. You can change the world, liz the lord has given you that power. Don't let anybody look down on you stand up for what is right and Love others. Above all else love others.

If you haven't met elizabeth you are missing out. She is incredible and meeting her will change your life. She has gone through WAY to much for her young age but has already impacted tons of people. She will go on to do amazing things in her life she already has.. and to top it off she is an artist. Beyond belief she is SO creative and just all around amazing. You should really take time to talk with her and hang out. its amazing

Lizardbeth my sister I love you! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

Stephie

Friends and Phone Calls

2008-03-27T21:04:00.000-07:00

So it's been forever since i wrote a blog.
First off when you tell people you'll call DO it! Seriously it sucks when you wait around all night for a phone call and don't get one.... I hate that. Also don't forget your friends. They aren't family but they are still important.
I write this because obviously people haven't been calling me back but also because i think often as friends we forget that people matter. I mean family is SUPER important but we need friends too. Friends are there for encouragement, they are there when family can't be, and they are there to understand you when your family can't. Family and Friends are the most important people. If this is true (which I believe) then why do people constantly leave friends in the dust for family stuff. I don't think it's fair to ditch family but sometimes friends need you too. I love my friends and I love how much they love their family. i am just saying, it sucks to have plans broken or changed last minute because "more important" family "dinners" have come up.

My friends ARE so important to me and I think sometimes I need them more then they realize.

Changes.

2008-03-15T22:26:00.000-07:00

Most of you have read enough blog entries to know that i hate change.

Have you ever had a huge change in your life? Something like a parent getting married or someone dying? Something so HUGE it changes your way of life. On top of that not wanting it to take place? It's funny how even when I feel like I can't cry anymore I still some how produce more tears. When my head hurts and I can't open my eyes I am still crying.. unfortunately for me there has been much unwanted change lately. Maybe I wouldn't hate change so much if I had remotely good experiences with change. But so far huge life changes have always been horrible for me. Some changes feel unbearable, and for some reason Kati leaving was hard (and a horrible life change) but as she left something else HUGE happened that the lord knew I would want her to be around for.
Jesus has different plans then I want, I have to trust that he will bring me through this, that in the end this was all for the bettering of me. One day I'll look back on this and laugh, but for now i cry and pray that Jesus will get me through it. I want to trust him with this, I am just worried that I won't actually do it.

Katie A...Katrinka Tonka Truck......Katatie!!!!

2008-03-02T15:53:00.000-08:00

I have decided to write a blog to my dear friend. even if she doesn't read this... (notice the picture of us??? we're crazy!)
If you haven't met her your missing out. She is incredible, she loves the lord and desires to please him with every moment of her day. She can't wait to go somewhere far away and love on god's people. She loves her family and will do anything for them, she loves her friends and prays for them. When I was in 8th grade Katie and I were baptized together and became instant friends.

I don't know if i would even be following the Lord if it wasn't for her. She taught be what loving Jesus really looks like. Just by the way she lived out her faith everyday. We both experienced freshman year and we both hated it. I can't put into words what you ment to me that year Katie. You have blessed me beyond words. You are very dear to me, helping me through the hardest years of my life. Praying non-stop. Thank you for treating me just like a sister and keeping me involved. For encouraging me to go to youth group and church. I love you so much Katrina and I thank God for placing you into my life. I can always count on you for encouragement and fun coffee runs. I can't wait till we both drive, the lord has so many adventures for us in the future.. I can't wait for this summer (Guatemala maybe?) Thank you for praying for me as I make huge decisions, reminding me to trust my prince even if that means leaving my family and even you. Of course thanks for letting me rant and rave... Seriously The Lord used you in my life to bring me back to him. I can never thank you enough. Katie, you reunited me with my prince!

Continue to shine for your prince and savior, don't let your love for him ever sway. Be bold, Stand Firm, Rejoice, Pray, Give Thanks, and Continue to seek his guidance.
I love you!

Snephanie!

This is the beginning of my blogs written to different people... I was reading a friends blog, she did this and I liked the idea... So thanks Cassie.

Pre-occupied?

2008-03-01T23:04:00.000-08:00

I do way to much stuff.. I volunteer to much and I don't have time to just relax and sleep..
just think I get my license this week(lord willing) and when that happens i will be even more committed to stuff.. From ministry team to picking up extra shifts at work just to make ends meet I don't feel like I have time to breath let alone find time to eat.. School work just seems to overrated... I mean I want to go to college and I will graduate this year but sometime I forget about homework. For instance I always forget to do the online Spanish homework. The class is to easy for me and i do so well that i forget to do 2 out of the 4 assignments. The problem is I still get As on the tests so I just get pre-occupied with other stuff... like college applications or just finding time to nap...
What makes me really angry though, is when school work interferes with my date with Jesus. When I can't just relax read my bible and pray. Or just when I do decide to i am to tired because of everything else I have been doing. I have committed to read from my bible every day... I am like a week behind. I need more time in the day... or more energy....

GOD will provide. I just keep telling myself that, as I have applied for 2 different colleges both away from home, i just tell myself...Whatever is god's will... To leave home? fine, to be 28,000 dollars in debt? Fine because GOD WILL PROVIDE...I encourage you to ask for his guidance and then watch him provide, its not just with finances its with EVERYTHING!

Fairy Tale? My life??? YEAH RIGHT

2008-02-23T17:39:00.001-08:00

Life... A fairy Tale??? Well I named my blog that.. because compared to many people my life is a fairy tale, but all to often I want the American dream and then I can't actually be content with me and Jesus..

To pursue Jesus is a true test for me, I try and I fail and then I give up but jesus pursues ME... He wants me, I am his princess. And that makes my life a fairy tale.

The last week has brought many different things, trials and then triumphs but with my prince i have nothing to fear, there is nothing beyond me.. Because Jesus is in me.. Lately I have had the pleasure of working and living and serving Jesus, I mean I always have the opportunity but that doesn't mean that I actually enjoy it.

Jesus is working in me! you know how I know?? Because even in a weeks time I can see a change in me, in my heart, my attitude. I can't wait to see where I am in a few years. As I strive to meet with my prince everyday and I strive to fall in love with him. Because with out him I wouldn't be able to face this world.

Random thoughts from..... .Well yours truely!!!

2008-02-12T22:47:00.000-08:00

I JOINED THE MINISTRY TEAM!!!! which translates too: I decided to join TFC leadership for several months. I have been praying about this for sometime and recently god gave me complete peace about joining so I have... I am so excited. God has huge plans for this county and I am so happy he is allowing me to be his hands and feet... there is SO much joy in serving the lord.

Lately I have continued to ponder the thought of singing praises unto the lord even during my hours of darkness... which so often turn into days of darkness. It is so easy to get caught up in life, it's so easy to get caught up in me... To be outside of me and more focused on the people around me is really hard. Especially if something is going wrong in "my" life. I think the ministry team is going to really work on stretching me beyond me.. I so enjoy praying for my fellow TFCers and planning things for them.

I think one of the coolest things ever is seeing the lord work in the lives of people you love. People from parents to friends. I am learning the slow hard way that praying causes things to happen. Prayer is powerful and effective.. READ JAMES 1 it's amazing... If prayer is so powerful then why do we choose to now pray?

For me I don't like to pray because prayer often means being honest and open with God, and even though he knows what's going on I don't want to flat out tell him.... That would be like admitting I am wrong... But I know that the lord is working on me in this area. I am deciding to daily spend time talking with my prince, and it is making a difference in my life. I have also started my reading through the bible in a year, and in 2 days I see a difference in my outlook on things. Just think what potential 365 days has...I can hardly wait to see how far the lord will have brought me in 365 days. Because he is amazing and awesome..

For all of you reading this... Jesus loves you!!! I can't say it enough if you are confused ask me!!! My dear friends and Family... My brother and My sister... I love you both, and even when I can't show you the love of christ like I should... I love you... Brianna you are amazing and Jesus has AMAZING plans for your life... Ben..Thank you times a million for all you have done and continue to do... Jesus loves you too...trust in his love and his faithfulness...

Remember... even when we can't love others or ourselves The love of Jesus never changes, he loves us even when we can't!

My hair..

2008-02-07T22:25:00.001-08:00

So I decided to dye my hair.. It sort of turned orange ish (notice picture) It wasn't fun.. thankfully It has been fixed... you should have seen it... my dad called me the great pumpkin... more to come later...

CHANGES

2008-01-27T15:45:00.000-08:00

I reflect upon the year yet again, well the past 2 years actually, and I am thankful. Thankful for the wonderful people the lord has blessed me with. So many people that whether they realize it or not have thrown me closer to the lord. Friends that Loved me untill I could love myself and Loved me right back into the arms of my prince.
It's kinda crazy I got to say the hardest goodbye ever today. I didn't cry untill Kati walked out the door and then I lost it. Sitting here listening to our favorite worship music I can't help but to think about change. Because as Kati is changing in just her leaving means much unwanted Change for me. You see I don't like change I never really have, and as my brother says I am at the age where people start to seperate and go in their own directions, but keeping in contact during these times is what makes you real friends. To me I have to constantly remember that even when I can't call Kati to save me I can call my prince. I will have my license in a short month and then I can just drive away. Oh the joys the next 7 months will bring, sometimes it's hard but I just have to remember that the lord hears my cries, and he knows where all my friends scattered across the globe really are. How awesome is he!

The List ( it's not a bucket list no worries) it's a before I get old and can't walk list LOL

2008-01-23T15:48:00.000-08:00

The things that I want to do before 21 (when I can legally drink)

* Spend at least a month on the Mission Field
*Share the love of the lord with a child in another country by monthly support
*Have a drivers license
*Go to Europe
*Visit WA D.C
* Own a Car ( and before I die hopefully a BMW)
*Make a year long commitment to a Non-Profit Organization
*Get rid of all the crap that I collect
*Buy somebody else something expensive
* Spend an entire day not talking
*Become a vegetarian
*Spend time daily with my prince
*Graduate High School, and Hopefully some form of college.
*A job that isn't sears.
*Play ultimate Frisbee again with out hip pain
*Rock Climb outdoor.

I can't wait to see how faithful the lord is going to be this year, granted it's only January twenty eighth. I am confident that he will continue to work in me and he will continue to perfect me even as I am going through many trials.

I can't wait to graduate (it's months away) and to then see what happens next

When Life's to Hard to Stand KNEEL

2008-01-20T09:55:00.000-08:00

it's been quite the week, started at work...I am actually cashiering... It's been interesting to say the least.
The fact that One of my BEST friends leaves to Uganda in 8 days...I am so excited for her yet I have no idea how I am going to handle her leaving. Actually I do know, it will be one of the hardest things. Thankfully the lord has reminded me that he will be with her even when I can't.

Such a step of faith for her and it is causing me to have faith too. I love the verse in Hebrews 11 that says:

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen .

What an amazing reminder, god is so good, and I need to have faith, sometimes it's really hard for me to know what faith looks like and then I turn to this verse. And my loving prince reminds me of what faith looks like. So often I am waiting for the lord to show me what to do with my life and to reveal his glory, that happens to be when i forget that he is revealing his glory in my life and in the life of the ones I know right now, that RIGHT NOW I am living in the plan that god has created for me. When I go to work I have to trust that every person I encounter was previously thought out by my loving prince and I meet each customer for a reason.
When life seems unbearable I just have to remember to pray. When I can't stand any longer (like right now) that's the perfect time to kneel.

So I choose not to stand, by myself or really at all, I kneel and pray for each of you reading this and also for the many people serving him. I pray for my future and I pray for the Grace of god to flood through my life daily as I seem to make mistakes to big to even fix.
Loves

Stresses....Vs Trusting

2008-01-11T16:54:00.000-08:00

Drug test passed, stitches out I am ready to have a good new year, to let the lord work and to stress out less.
See for me I just stress, when I don't have a plan, when I don't know exactly what's going on. When my rooms a mess all these things stress me out, oh yeah and on Sunday at 3 I have orientation... that stresses me out. One of my brilliant friends told me something today she said a man at her church said this

"Don't try harder, trust more."

I am trying to do this, i am so determined to make it in this world and to be happy, sometimes I forget to often I am looking for happiness in the worlds standards, a happiness that will never fully fill me. I know the Lord has big plans but if i stress out about not even knowing whether or not I have plans on Friday night, the lord isn't in control..

I look foward to the day when I won't have to stress, when my biggest worry will be worshiping my prince.

I have a Job!

2008-01-08T19:37:00.000-08:00

SO as long as I passed my drug test I will have a job at Sears.
How cool is it when the lord provides for me! He is so faithful. I had a doctors appointment today and it wasn't the greatest. They don't really know what's going on and I might have to go to a specialist... Hopefully the specialist will be able to get me an MRI.

It's really frustrating when doctors can't figure out what's going on. As long as I can remember that the lord knows what's going on and it's all part of is plan I should be fine right, isnt that what faith is all about?

For me that' what faith is all about. The talk at TFC last night was amazing. How I want to pursue my prince even more.

GOD is good and still oh so faithful
I pray you see this play out in your life as I have lately

The Glory of My Prince IN My life

2008-01-05T13:15:00.001-08:00

Glory such a wonderful word.
To know that it describes my prince is amazing.
It's been an incredible adventure with my prince, seeing him constantly reveal his glory to me thorough everyday things of life. From mending broken relationships, to helping me reconnect with long lost friends. When I doubt him the most is when he works the most and shows me I have no reason to doubt him.
I didn't get my MRI much to my dismay I wasn't able to due to insurance problems...hopefully with a couple more months of pain and discomfort we can convince them to pay for my MRI.... But god is still good. I recently got my wisdom teeth out (ask me in person it's quite the story ;) ) and God revealed his glory to me.
I am planning on going back to work... I am hoping that my hip can handle being used more, and if it can't I guess tough right...
I have recently been trying to trust god, I am trying to be okay with the fact that I may never play frisbee again without pain or walk again without pain. The pain in my hip has become my new best friend... I can always count on it to be there and it always talks to me... I have my good days let me tell you days when I can do everything normal, but the minute I do everything normal I hurt later...
I started my new quarter at whatcom and it's stressful but god will reveal himself to me through all the stress, he will deliver me because

HE IS STILL GOOD AND HE IS STILL GOD

It's been a rough year full of it's many challenges but I am looking foward to this new one, and all that god can and will do in my life. I will be so much more like Jesus by this time next year. At least that's my prayer.

Trusting God When I really don't want to

2007-12-16T15:43:00.000-08:00

So my hip hasn't healed. I have found that the lord calls me to praise him even when I really don't want to.
Today thankfully my hip hasn't been hurting to bad, I did start with bad pain requiring just ice because i am the only driver in my family so i can't exactly take my medicine.. It's great :)
But as the lord teaches me to trust him I think about worship, and what that really means in my life. Because for me it's really easy to associate worship with hands raised high and singing Amazing Grace, even though worship is so much more then that. Worship has to totally flow from my life, As a follower of christ all I should be doing is worshiping him. Why so often does it become hard to lay everything at the feet of my king, the one who's spilled blood i am responsible for? If nothing else that should be a reason to worship!
I have had quite the week! Finals are now all done PTL, and i have one more week to teach 2 lessons, and learn all i can while i am in a first grade class.
Little Children are such blessing, they are so smart to they constantly amaze me and even more suprizing they like me. I am quite afraid to teach my lesson on monday!
And even more afraid for my MRI on wednesday but I am learning about patience! and I am slowly learning what worshiping and following the Lord is truely all about.

The best thing for me to remember is that the lord is awesome and his plans are perfect, his plans for me the sinnful one are perfect!!! AWESOME!

Year in review\

2007-08-17T19:55:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in almost a year. And it's been a crazy year. It's hard to believe that it's really been that long since i wrote on here. I spent the entire summer bringing kids to jesus and loving on them - the coolest thing ever!- I am really tired now and am going to a cool concert tomorrow.. Always fun nothing like the fair. I have been really busy working my second job and had a hip injury that set me back this summer, being bed rested not my fav. thing! Let me tell ya sleeping that much just ain't cool! i am almost convinced.. So yea

Summer!

2006-07-29T22:18:00.000-07:00

I have been so busy
I was in Alaska and then on a mission trip.
I am finally home but i have been working long hard hours... maybe not really just 13 hours in 2 days which is alot for me i am lazy really really lazy. I think that i should be sleeping right now not writing this. I have church way to early in the morning. I can't wait to wear my skrit that i really like. i am not sure though i might just decide to wear plain jane jeans and a T-Shrit I like being me not dressing up.. Well i actually am usually a dressed up person on sunday's. I need to sleep
Me

Hello New York!

2006-05-07T13:48:00.000-07:00

how are you people? I am super bored not~
I am having the time of my life I ate to much cake today but i like cake! and elizabeth likes cake too. I am going to bake (burn the kitchen down) since i am the worst cook ever when i say i am baking the house empties out! my dad trys my concoctions but never lives through them. Jk! My sister can make the best bean burrito minus onions plus sour cream that you have ever had. Since she works at Taco Bell she has pracitce. She makes me the stop sign things alot too~ My friend and I are going to read so i gtg
and enjoy life
STephanie

Whats up Folks>?

2006-04-11T11:49:00.000-07:00

Wow it has been so long!

2006-04-02T18:47:00.000-07:00

I just got back from regionals
with my quiz team, we placed 2nd not so bad
except the fact that we lost to our team rivials,
that is okay anyway, I had a good weekend God revealed some amazing things
to me and now I have a lot to work on!
anyway Jaquie I had so much fun with you and we really need to get together SOON!
Now i am going to youth group to hang out with my "friends"
Yep this is my life surronded by church activites and the sleep.
Hey what's better, hanging out with friends or sleep
FRIENDS!
Steph

Fab

2006-01-02T16:36:00.000-08:00

Today had to have been the worst day so far of this break... that is other than having contracted strep throat and having to sleep for days because i was under the rath of Padre the great anyway. Today i stayed home and spent an exciting amount of time with my dull yet insanly cool sister who despite her stupidy really is entertaining and crazy cool... Obviosly i have never met her true personality , because i don't usually say such nice things about her or any other blood relative. Oh did i mention last night i was appatently yelling at my family and my neighbor called and asked my dad to shut me up. i'm sure he responded with some smart aleck comment about how he can't shut me up because i don't think that i have ever shut up when he asked me to
gtg
steph

Christmas is over....

2005-12-27T17:35:00.000-08:00

Christmas was really good for me how about you'all... happy new year, anyway hope you all had a Merry Christmas
Stephanie

nothing new

2005-12-03T23:25:00.000-08:00

Ferndale Golden Eagles won their State game last night!
so i am super tired and also i had bible quizzing today and then my aunt accidently ran over her cat so i had to go with her to the vet hospital at like 8:00 to make sure the cat wouldn't die,
She will be fine she has a broken pelvis and thats all
it would take a normal cat 8 weeks max but sense Fluffy is 19 years old it will take 12-16 weeks.
Thats all
me

Okay hello again

2005-11-26T17:39:00.000-08:00

It's saturday night and i just thought i would update my blog even though realisically no one reads it anyway...
i had thanksgiving with my family and it was nice by the way Carla I HATE STUFFING with a passion i know hate is a stron word but i hate it. we didn't have any ham which was depressing since i really can't stand turkey, and for all you people who think turkey and chicken are the same
they aren't I LOVE CHICKEN and i hate turkey so there you have it thanksgiving needs the ham
adios
it's me
stephanie

I'm bac again

2005-11-18T11:34:00.000-08:00

Hey~
I am finally back on planet earth! I am here finally remembered i even had a blog and i fiqured i better update it. The rest of the summer went well and it was really long i talked to Kim like every week. Now i am back at school and it is really hard and long. Some days i wish i was out of high school and into college. But i have good news next year i will be doing running start(if i pass the test) then i won't have to deal with the drama of high school and all the people that are not nice to put it nicely. Anyway I am also bible quizzing singing in choir, trying really hard to start a bible study at my school, and in the meantime trying to find time to sleep. Oh well need to go
Stephnaie

BACK

2005-08-08T18:26:00.000-07:00

Hello all
I just got back from my misson trip and i met this girl named kim i got really attached and now i miss her please pray that i would have strength and that she would be okay
she has 6 brothers and sisters and her mom is only 29 there are 2 sets of twins
the ages ranging from 12 to 6 months old
anyway keep them in your prayers okay!
oh and PLEASE email me Carla where are you?

Tomorrow is camp@@

2005-07-05T17:50:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I leave for summer camp!
kind of
everyone not going I love you boring people
oohh Well got to go
and play Video gAMES

2005-06-30T14:32:00.002-07:00

2005-06-30T14:32:00.001-07:00

Whats up Homie GGGSSS?

2005-06-30T14:32:00.000-07:00

Hola Chicas
whats crack a lacking? I spent the night at Liz's house and we T.Ped her stairwell. Yes you heard it hear first Liz is being spontaneous!!!!!!
She is poking her head outside of her turtle shell.
anyway
Please update your blog so Liz and I can talk to you
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXXOXO TIMES A BILLION
ME

Tomorrow is my last day of school

2005-06-21T17:28:00.000-07:00

How come no one ever updates their blog~
I always do...
anyway Tomorrow I will taste freedome the sweet taste of freedom...
Well I miss all of you girls
we should get together ASAP!!!
Well I have to go like normal
Stephanie

2 finals down and three to go`

2005-06-20T09:07:00.000-07:00

I have offically taken my English and and Math finals
My math final was horrible and truth be told I guessed
on like half of the questions because I could no longer understand or comprehend the info. I mean I went
to sleep at like midnight or later and got up at like 6:30,
I did not really study for the math final because it was all multiple choice therefore I had a 1 in 4 chances of getting the answer correct, my history final is multiple choice as well!!!!
Well I have only 1 and a half days left of school therefore i am rejocing! Well how are you girls doing? Noone updates their blog but me therefore I never here from you girls. Email me I have no life this summer! My family is going camping next weekend therefore I have to miss my mission trip meeting please pray that I will be ready to go and that I will not fall behind because my dad does not understand the importance of the mission trip to me, also please pray that i would hae patience when dealing with all his friends(we are camping with) who do not share the same beliefs as me, pray that I will be a light and stand firm in what I believe when I am being persectued
mucho Amor
xoxoxoxoxoxoxox * a billion
Stephanie

Last Friday of the school year

2005-06-17T09:01:00.000-07:00

SO this is my last Friday as a Freshman
at Windward High School!!!! I get out of school in like
three and a half days and am super stoked!
I just finished my English final and think I did fantastic
therefore I am happy! How is everybody's summer?
I talked to Liz before she left for a week
and she says by and pray for here while she is meeting
new people!
Please continue to pray for me as I take finals
I still have a Spanish, Web, Math, and History.
I decided not to take Honors English so please
pray that I am making the right desicion to take
AP U.S History because it is a collage class
gtg
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO 8 A BILLION
Stephanie

ONLY 4 MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL!!!

2005-06-16T11:47:00.000-07:00

I have only 4 more days of school and am very happy to say it. It is thursday and tomorrow I officially start my finals! I can't wait to get home and study for all of this fun stuff!!!!!! Well I am incredibly bored and feel like my life has not meaning, school is so close to being over I can taste it in my mouth, I can smell the smell of freedom for these chains by the name of Windward High School. I feel like i have been in prison for 176 days and am getting out in 4. I feel like I have no life but will in 4 short school days! Finals yea they suck but soon very soon it will all be worth it. I have decided to not to take honors english but to take AP U.S history. So please keep me in your prayers
mucho love
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX * A BILLION
Stephanie

So I am one day closer to SUMMER!

2005-06-15T11:32:00.000-07:00

Hey~
So today is one day closer and I am tired and bored out of my mind!
I have to stay at school until 8:00 tonight because I am on the committee for the oral history celebration. I am SOOO TIRED and sleep deprived but you know that is the way life goes. My Spanish Final is Friday My english final is friday My math & history finals are on monday and tuesday~
I have been studying and sleeping. I just realized I have no
exotic plans for this summer and That I do not plan on traveling farther than Oregon. I am going as far as Albion Wa. possibly into Oregon for a stupid motorcycle campout so my family can have family time but truth be told my family does not spend time together and everybody has their own tent
well class is about to start so I better pretend like I am a good student
yeah right
I have summer Itis
GTG
XOXOXOXOXO * a billion
Stephanie

My last day before finals

2005-06-14T19:40:00.000-07:00

Hey so tomorrow I start finals and in like 5 days School is over for the summer!
I am supper busy but stressed and tired so please pray for me and My stressed self
I am going on my church's mission trip to Albion Wa and am very excited about
what christ can do through me there. Please pray as I save my money and
make other desisons regarding what my boring summer will hold
well I am tired need to eat dinner and still do some english homework
that Engels assigned.
Oh yeah and please pray as I am scheduling my classes for next year because I
plan on taking AP U.S history and Honors english and I am afraid I will not be
ready
gtg
Stephanie